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    Satir communication stances

    萨提亚沟通姿态

    Model
    Also called
    Satir survival stances, Satir coping stances

    Satir’s communication stances are the ways family therapist Virginia Satir described people coping under stress: four incongruent stances (placating, blaming, super-reasonable and irrelevant) and congruent communication.[1][3]

    Each stance sits inside the circles it still attends to. Select a marker or an item below for details; the example lines come from this page.
    Satir’s five stances on three circles, self, other and context: each stance sits in the circles it still attends to, congruence where all three meet, and irrelevant outside them all. Point at or tap parts of the figure for details
    Satir’s five stances on three circles, self, other and context: each stance sits in the circles it still attends to, congruence where all three meet, and irrelevant outside them all. Save as image (PNG)

    Key points

    • The stances differ in whether a person takes self, other and context into account when communicating. Congruent communication attends to all three.[2][3]
    • Placating attends to the other person and the context but leaves out the self. Blaming attends to self and context but leaves out the other.[2][3]
    • Super-reasonable attends only to context and rules, setting aside everyone’s feelings. Irrelevant (distracting) ignores all three, changing the subject or escaping.[3]
    • The Satir model treats them as ways of coping under stress. In the Satir iceberg they form the coping layer just below behavior.[3]

    An example

    Jay is late for a date and his girlfriend is upset. Placating: “It’s all my fault, I’m useless.” Blaming: “You always find something to complain about.” Super-reasonable: a lecture on rush-hour traffic. Irrelevant: “So, what’s for dinner?” Congruent: “I kept you waiting half an hour. I’m sorry. I’ll leave earlier next time.”

    Misreadings and limits

    The stances describe ways of coping under stress and should not be used as fixed personality labels. The Satir network’s own annotated bibliography cites a review finding little empirical support for Satir’s work.[4]

    Sources

    1. 1 Satir, V., Banmen, J., Gerber, J., & Gomori, M. (1991). The Satir model: Family therapy and beyond. Science and Behavior Books. View source
    2. 2 Hardin, M. A. (n.d.). Congruence. Virginia Satir Global Network. View source
    3. 3 张静 (2015). 萨提亚模式在初中生人际冲突团体心理辅导课中的巧妙运用. 中小学心理健康教育. View source
    4. 4 Virginia Satir Global Network (2024). Annotated bibliography (version 51). Virginia Satir Global Network. View source

    Last checked against sources: October 26, 2026