Psyfield

    简 繁

    Topics

    All terms About

    Demand–withdraw pattern

    要求-退缩模式

    Concept
    Also called
    Pursue–withdraw pattern, Demand/withdraw pattern

    The demand–withdraw pattern is a sequence in couple conflict: one partner raises problems, criticizes or presses for change, while the other avoids the discussion, becomes defensive or withdraws.[1]

    Who wants the change?

    The roles stay the same; the people swap. Whoever wants more change tends to become the one who demands, largely regardless of gender.

    Select either role for details, then use the buttons above to switch which partner wants the change.
    Demand–withdraw is a loop: one partner’s demands prompt the other’s withdrawal, which prompts more demands. Who takes the demanding role depends mainly on who wants more change. Select a part for details
    Demand–withdraw is a loop: one partner’s demands prompt the other’s withdrawal, which prompts more demands. Who takes the demanding role depends mainly on who wants more change. Save as image (PNG)

    Key points

    • A meta-analysis of 74 studies with more than 14,000 participants called it the most common conflict pattern in established romantic relationships.[3]
    • It is linked to lower relationship satisfaction and intimacy, and to anxiety, aggression and some physical symptoms.[3]
    • Who demands often depends on whose issue is discussed. On the wife’s issue, wives demanded more and husbands withdrew more; on the husband’s issue, the two behaved similarly.[2]

    An example

    Jay wants Lin to work fewer weekends and spend more time with family. Each time he raises it, she says, “Later.” He grows more insistent and brings up old complaints; she puts on headphones and stops responding. The more ignored he feels, the more he pushes, and the further she pulls away.

    Misreadings and limits

    A common misreading treats it as a gender trait: nagging women, withdrawn men. Research finds that whoever wants more change tends to be the one who demands, largely regardless of gender, and the pattern is just as strongly linked to relationship distress whichever partner takes which role.[1][3]

    Sources

    1. 1 Holley, S. R., Sturm, V. E., & Levenson, R. W. (2010). Exploring the basis for gender differences in the demand-withdraw pattern. Journal of Homosexuality, 57(5), 666–684. doi:10.1080/00918361003712145
    2. 2 Heavey, C. L., Layne, C., & Christensen, A. (1993). Gender and conflict structure in marital interaction: A replication and extension. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 61(1). doi:10.1037/0022-006X.61.1.16
    3. 3 Schrodt, P., Witt, P. L., & Shimkowski, J. R. (2014). A meta-analytical review of the demand/withdraw pattern of interaction and its associations with individual, relational, and communicative outcomes. Communication Monographs, 81(1). doi:10.1080/03637751.2013.813632

    Last checked against sources: October 26, 2026